Let’s Talk….

Today is Bell Let’s Talk Day. A day when we talk about mental health. And this is the first one where I have actually been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. So, let’s talk….

Before I begin, I’m still really new to all of this and so I don’t necessarily know a lot about everything. But I’m trying to learn. Some may say this is a result of a global pandemic. And they may be partially right. But…I kind of think that this is something that’s been there for a while now and it just became more obvious this last year. After all, we have had a lot of time to be at home and thinking.

So, what do I think brought this on? It’s a combination of things. But…I have shared my thought in the past here and how I relate it to feeling alone a lot of the time. And people are always telling me “well, things happen when they happen” because I sometimes feel down for never even having been able to ask someone out or date. I mean, it’s a hard thing to explain because so many people have at least tried to date in high school or university. But I am not one of them. It’s not that I didn’t want to, it’s that I didn’t know how to get past the shyness and anxiety of speaking to new people. In fact, I still don’t. I keep trying different things to hopefully help me but so far I’m not finding the right one. I’m working at getting into some sort of help that will hopefully help this out, but it’s a long process. Especially during a pandemic and in a place where mental health support is not readily available.

This quote sort of sums up the feelings I have been realizing I have had for years:

“I’ve been alone my whole life…and I told myself I liked it that way, but I don’t”…

The Good Place

And up until recently, it was more of a waking moment’s only thing. However, in the last little it, I am not even dreaming about how I am alone and feel like I may be forever. And for some people, that may be fine for them. But…I don’t think it is for me.

So really I don’t even know where I am going with this. I have no brilliant thought or even a way where I see this story ending. It’s just beginning. And I know that. I just wish that the supports that we really do need were more easily available and I knew what to do.

Hopefully some day…